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| A man walked into a bar, ouch! |
| A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve soda's and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents." |
| A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any
grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the duck that no, his
bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next
day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?" Again,
the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never
served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a
little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck
returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell:
''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for
grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!'' The
duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartenders says no. ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any
grapes?''
www.homepag2.htm |
| What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?
Ruff! What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad What do you call a cow that won't give milk? A milk dud! |
| A man walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Don't touch the purple monkey up in room 222." The man sneered and went straight up to room 222 and opened the door. There sitting right in front of him was a purple monkey. The man laughed again and touched the monkey. He then started down the stairs...the monkey was following him. The man went outside and got into his jeep. The monkey got in the back seat. The man ignored him. Later the man drove to the Eiffel Tower. The man got out of the car and the monkey followed. Later the man finally reached the top, but the monkey was right behind him. The man just burst and yelled, "What do you want!" The monkey came up to him and said, "Tag...you're it. |
| One day a mom who had three sons had a birthday. Each son wanted to get her the best gift ever, so they all went shopping. Her first son buys her a really fancy car. The second son buys her a really huge house. The third son went to talk to the priest. He talked with them for a while about a parrot that was trained to say the whole Bible. The priests said that it would cost a ton of money, but the son agreed that it was worth it to pay one million dollars every year for his mom to own the parrot. Later the mom was writing thank you cards. To her first son she wrote, "Thank you so much for the great car, but I'm too old to drive." To her second she wrote, "Thank you for the great house, but it would take a century to clean and I don't need that much space." To her third son she wrote, "O...my dear...dear son, that was delicious chicken." |
| Teacher: Joey, if you put your hand in one
pants pocket and found 75 cents, then you put your other hand in your
other pants pocket and found 50 cents, what would you have? Joey: I'd have somebody else's pants on! |
| Two boys go out on a walk. One looks down and said, "look at those, those are deer tracks my dad told me about them." The second boy says no those are elk tracks, my dad told me about them. Then the first boy says, "No those are deer tracks." The second boy says, "NO those are elk tracks." One hour later they were run over by a train. |
| A lady walks into a building and says to the clerk, " I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink, and fries." The clerk says, "This is a library." Then the lady whispers, "Sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink and fries. |
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Q. How do you put a giraffe into the
fridge? Q. How do you put an elephant in the
fridge? Noah invited all the animals to a meeting on
how to cross the alligator infested waters. Q. Who wasn't at the meeting? |
| Some of these jokes can be found at www.jokes.com |
